So when I literally ran into my first major injury of my running career I had to deal with a serious question: "What if I don't ever run again?" This question was difficult, unexpected, ill-timed, and above all one that I had no answer for in any way, shape, or form....
In 1999 as I entered my freshman year of college as a D-1 runner for the first time in my life, I started experiencing excruciating pain in my knee after 8-10 minutes of running. I successfully finished the first 5 mile run with the team and the next day hobbled in with an injury that would persist for the next 9 months, only to be relieved with surgery. Water running, stationary biking, massage therapy, stretching, chiropractics, total rest, rolling pins, tears, more water running, more massage, more stretching, more of anything you can think... were all of my attempts to solve the problem. Nothing. Surgery awaited me in the Spring.
A major part of this story is my becoming a Christian in December that same year. I say this because I do not think that personally I would have found an acceptable answer to my question had it not been for some major changes in my perspectives on things. After a life changing commitment to Christ my perspective on running began to shift. What had once been the center - the everything, was now just a gift that had been given to me to use. What if it never came back?
I remember vividly sitting with a Christian teammate and telling her that I was "Ok" with the fact that running might not be a part of my life anymore. After she yelled at me for a few minutes I explained to her that running had been too much in my life. It doesn't take a life altering spiritual event for most of us to realize that running, or some other hobby, has taken more of a prominent role in our lives than is appropriate. It might take that much to make you let go of it, but not for the understanding.
Running is great - I love to run. There are few things I love but the things I love I really really love. I'm grateful that I am able to once again run somewhat pain free, but I know that every day brings me closer to my last run. Will it mean the end of me? No - just a transition into a new me - and who knows, I might enjoy it more. For me the longest and most memorable run was the time I spent in between runs from August to June so long ago. When I finished that run I was never to be the same, in some ways that are still not clear. My running, when it came back, was forever changed, as I too will never be the same. When your last run comes, will it mean the end of you, or just the end of your running?
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